now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
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I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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