Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
