Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
