i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
