dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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