I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Did I show you my penis last night?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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