We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
