i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
