so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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