NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I booty called her while she was in labor.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
