Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
