I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
