Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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