I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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