Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
