how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
