he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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