nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
zippers are such a cool invention
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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