She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
