Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
