i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
