i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
