Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
