My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
