no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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