I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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