Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
