last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
