dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
