Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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