Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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