i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
