"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
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