After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
