alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
