got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
