He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
