What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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