I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
