Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I would fuck him just for his dog
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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