Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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