pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
