she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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