I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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