Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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