i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
