Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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