Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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