just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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