matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I need a burrito and a hug.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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