Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
