I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
