Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
