our cab driver is having phone sex.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
