I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
