Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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