somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
