You're a womanizer and a bitch.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
