So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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