put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
