Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
