Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
