pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you told grandpa to call you daddy
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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