He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
