I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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