we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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