He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
