remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
