i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
