Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
