i don't like sucking hair
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
