if you like me you must not know who I am
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
