i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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