I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
