WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
