1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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