i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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