Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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