We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
