I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
