ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
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I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
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No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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