If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
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The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
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Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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