I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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