Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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